What is abuse? the dictionary defines it as:(verb) 1. To use wrongly or improperly. 2. To maltreat. 3 To attack with insults, revile. (noun) 1. Misuse. 2 Maltreatment. 3 Insulting or course language.
Abuse is, about Power and Control, it's not about sex it's not about hurting another. The abuser has such a low self-esteem that to make themselves feel better they need to Control a person or thing. They will do anything to make themselves feel better. It's a sickness just as any other but they leave such devastation in their path and it continues on to the next generation. With the need for power and control they have to tear down the self-esteem of the other so they can feel in control. Sometimes the worse humilitations will be done. Knowing their victim they will use things to cause fear in them, or emotional blackmail.
There is one common thread in all types of abuse. That is Verbal Communication - Words. We can talk about 1 in 10 kids are sexually abuse (although I know it's higher) or 3 in 10 kids are physically abuse, (this is higher also) but in each and evey case all kids or adults are 100% abused with words or verbally.
Language is one of the first things we learn as children after we have refined some of our motor skills. With verbal communication we begin to learn, and pattern what our life will be like.
When an adult tells a child "no don't touch it's hot will burn you," What if for the first few year of the child life instead of hot the "teacher" would use the word cold. Do you understand how the reversal of words can or could affect a child? During this growth period children about attitudes and actions. Children are mimics of the people around them. This is how they learn.
For children this is more complicated because they are just learning about right and wrongs. When a adult or someone in authority says something is right they believe them not knowing or having the experienc anything else. The child does not question what's being told to them being so young they don't have alot of experience to draw from. Children are born innocent with a blank slate, it's what we as adults or authority figures put on that slate that will help the child to grow into the person they will become in the future.
I would like to explan one of our pet peeves. It's when people tell us to "Take Care". We know it's meant in a nice way, but when that's said does anyone really know what they are saying. If you look up in the dictionary the word care: says 1. mental distress and grief, 2. an object or source of attention or solicitude. So in a way for us they are saying to take on mental distress. I know we don't always look up words to see their meanings. Things can be meant one way but taken another. So we sould use care (caution) with what we use and how we use it.
Words are one of the most powerful things that there is. It's also one of the things that make us different than the animal kingdom. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be better with out words.
Abusers use words in ways to control and gain power, every word is fair game. People think that it's only negative words that hurt but positive ones can to. The tone they are said, the body posture. How many times have you heard someone say "Hey that was really smart" but they mean it in a negative way. So I can't say they use just negative words, because even positive ones will be distort and twisted to fuffill their actions.
There are many people that don't understand how people can stay in an abusive relationship or situation. They will say "why don't they just get up and walk out anything would be better than that". But unless you been in one you don't know. For some reason it's like people that have been abused are drawn to each other (I believe that abusers come from abuisve families) sometimes they can help and support others, at other times it's like gas and matches. As an abuse survivor we learn that negative statements are "normal" in our every day life cause we've never known another way. If we are fortunate enough to find someone that is not abusive to us we will feel uncomfortable and push to cause the reactions / words that we think are "loving statements".

Soul's Thoughts

Words are how we express aspects of who we are but words, in and of themselves, do not define us. We cannot measure a person, the depths of their emotions based upon words. It is important to get the "big picture". This would include, tone of voice, body language and eye contact and the sharing of space.
Too often in life, words are used as weapons. Innuendos and suppositions become drawn conclusions and analyzed perceptions (misperceptions) and equally as often this happens all too quickly and from somewhat of a vacuum or lack of experience in knowing someone or getting to know someone.
Words fail many times in interactions between people. So much of our interaction requires the support of the many ways in which we can experience each other that are not dependant upon words.
Anyone can say anything, or speak an expected flow of words. What can it possibly mean and where it can it possibly lead in and of itself alone?
Yes, it's important that our words reflect the truth as to how we feel. However, our words need to be given and not taken from us. It is up to each of us to wait and to allow the other to express what they can and want to at the pace that they have set for themselves. This is respect.
Words express, words carry expectations and can be heard and felt much differently than they may originally have been intended to..no doubt words hurt, words can wound...but none more so than those that seek to judge a soul.
Be who you are, have expectations only of yourself. Delight in what you can share with others but know that you cannot demand anything, via words or otherwise.
Life will unfold, when given the time, so too will the words that fit the experience as the experience becomes more understood and consolitdated over time. Words are how we express aspects of who we are but words, in and of themselves, do not define us.
A.J. Mahari
Thought of The Day for Monday, April 26, 1999
Thought Of The Day email edition. Copyright (C) 1999
Ms. A.J. Mahari All rights reserved.

	Responsible and Personal Language Verses Irresponsible and Impersonal Language
IT	Avoids everybody. Subject externalized Example: "It is strange that we are talking like this together"
WE	Tends to diffuse experience -- It is neither I nor You that feel or think, but the nebulous "we" that is somehow both of us, yet neither one of us. Example: "We can't accept the returned merchandise until it has been laundered". May also cover up differences. Example: "we should fix dinner now".
YOU	When I begin a sentence with the word "you", it tends to make the other person defensive. Example: "You shouldn't eat that piece of pie. You know you want to lose weight'.
YOU KNOW	"You know" usually means that every body knows. Example: "You know, everyone will miss you if you don't go to Aunt Sue's party."
I	The most responsible talk of all. Most "you" staatements are actually "I" statements in disguise. Example: You are wonderful" might really mean "I like you." When I say "I", I express myself. When I say "you", I stay distant, impersonal, irresponsible, and often manipulate you.
WHY	Questions (little information gained) Questions direct attention to the other person and put him/her on the defensive. Example: "Why don't you wear socks with your shoes? A "why" question that is needed for information can be easily changed into a more specific question using the words: HOW WHAT WHICH WHERE WHO

Verbal Abuse Private or Public

Financial Control

yelled at called names nagged at called racial slurs told no one else would want you talked to as a child constant put-downs accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing making humiliating remarks or gestures sulking telling you what to do ridiculed appearance threatened to kill you interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding twisting your words bad comments about your friends and family manipulating the children threatened to take the children said I was an unfit mother told the children I was disgusting belittled important things you accomplished told me I was stupid, ugly, dumb said I was a bad sex partner always screams at the children Pressure Tactics: rushing you to make decisions "guilt-tripping" forms of intimidation Harassment: making uninvited visits or calls following you checking up on you embarrassing you in public refusing to leave when asked

interfering with your work not letting you work refusing to give you or taking your money taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car threatening to report you social service agencies took all your paycheck controlls the checkbook put all the bills in their name we have to account for every penny destroyed belongings I worked for didn't have adequate clothing his wants came before family needs spent family funds on alcohol/drugs forced me to commit robberies threatening to withhold money refused to pay bills/creditors not enough money for groceries no money of my own quit his job sold family possessions complains if you send money on the household/kids complains if you spend money on kids' clothes complains if you spend money on kids' extracurricular activities says that you don't have a real job because they make less or less hours worked complains if about spening money on doctors and dentists financial problems are blamed on YOU! no knowledge of assets/finances

Love does not create verbal abuse. Dominance does.
A verbal abuser does not abuse out of love. He she abuses out of a desire to control.
When a person who is being verbally abused gets the double message of verbal abuse, she/he is confused. The double message is:

I love you (those nice, sweet words of seduction)
I don't love you (the words of abuse)

Verbal abuse is about control; it is not about love. Double messages are part of verbal abuse. One verbal abuse message says I love you. It is followed by another verbal abuse message that says I don't love you.
The double message of verbal abuse makes the abused person feel confused and sometimes even makes the abused person feel crazy. Verbal abuse is the language of control; it is not the language of love.
In any long-term relationship (not limited to but including marriage) the double message makes the person who is being abused feel confused or even crazy.
Why?
A long-term relationship is thought to be loving and safe.
When the abuse starts, two messages are sent at the same time, that old "I love you but..." routine.
The person being abused and getting the double messages is confused because the relationship is a safe, loving place where seduction takes place and the relationship is not a safe, loving place because abuse takes place here.
If you are in an abusive relationship, common double messages might be:

I love you so much that I..
We have problems only because I love you so much.
I love you but...

Just remember:
Love does not create problems, dominance does.
Abuse is about control, not love.

Financial Control

The phrases above are responses from victims of financial control which clearly define their experiences with this type of abuse.
Financial control keeps one dependant, isolated, and without power. Not power in the sense of "authority", but power as it relates to the ability to choose, make decisions, and maintain self-esteem. Often the needs of all family members go unmet when an abusive partner holds control of all household finances. It is a manipulative tactic of power and control aimed at demeaning those from whom money is being withheld.

Verbal abuse:

Survivors of domestic violence recount stories of put-downs, public humiliation, and private, name-calling, word-games, mind-games and manipulation by their partners. Many say that the emotional abuse they have suffered has left the deepest scars.

Emotional

• Extramarital affairs

• Provocative behavior with opposite sex

• Humiliation and put-downs

• Hypercriticism

• Refusal to communicate

• Use of sarcasm and unpleasant tone of voice

• Unreasonable jealousy

• Extreme moodiness

• I love you but...

• If you don't shape up, I will...

• Domination and control

• Withdrawal of affection

Isolation:

It is common for an abuser to be extremely jealous, insecure, having low self-confidence and insist that the victim not see her friends of family members. The resulting feeling of isolation may then be increased for the victim if she looses her job as a result of absenteeism or decreased productivity (which are often associated with people who are experiencing domestic violence).

Answering yes to any of the following questions may indicate that you are in an abusive relationship.

1. Do you feel nervous around him/her?

2. Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid his/her anger/temper?

3. Do you feel pressured by him/her when it comes to sex?

4. Are you afraid of disagreeing with him/her?
   

5. Does he/she criticize you or humiliate you at any time?

6. Is he/she always checking up on you or questioning you about what you do when he/she is not around?

7. Does he repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing other men/women?

8. Does he tell you that if you changed he/she wouldn't get angry with you?

9. Does his/her jealousy/control stop you from seeing friends or family?

10. Does he/she make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, worthless or inadequate?

11. Has he/she ever scared you with violence or threatening behavior?

12. Do you often do things to please him/her, rather than to please yourself?

13. Does he/she prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?

14. Do you feel that nothing is ever good enough for him/her?

15. Does he/she have a short temper that escalates intensely if you oppose him/her?

16. Does he/she say that he will kill or hurt himself/herself if you break up with him/her?

17. Does he/she make excuses for his abusive behavior by saying it's because of alcohol, drugs or something you did?

You might have answered 'yes' to some of these questions, but still think "it's not that bad."
Feeling scared, humiliated, pressured or controlled is not the way you should feel in a relationship. You should feel loved, respected and free to be yourself. Your feelings and safety are important. Abusers will often make you feel like you are to blame for their behavior and in time the victim begins to feel responsible and guilty for making the abuser unhappy.
Most physical scars heal. Often, emotional scars never heal.
Many do not realize that they have been (or continue to be) verbally abused. Some have been abused for so long that they no longer know what verbal abuse is. Most children have been called names.
Some have been deeply humiliated and hurt and carry their scars into adulthood. Somehow others survive. The expression of verbal abuse is not only in the content of what is being said but also in how it is expressed by the abuser. Abusers seem to confuse criticism with humiliation resulting from abuse. There is a difference between criticism and verbal abuse. Criticism can lead to growth when expressed in a constructive way. Verbal abuse however, is similar to living in a poisonous environment which can only lead to ill health.
Why does one put up with it? Children have no resources available. As they grow into adulthood as victims of abuse, they develop such poor self image and self esteem that they begin to feel that they deserve the punishment and the hurt. Abuse can be described as a result of a relationship in which a person is constantly blamed, made to feel inferior, worthless, even guilty, for being unable to live up to the expectations of their abusers' unrealistic demands. With repeated humiliation and living in constant fear, some begin to feel that this kind of relationship is well deserved. Their mate, or the abuser, on the other hand expects the victim to comply to their demands unconditionally.

Recognizing Patterns of Verbal Abuse

VERBAL ASSAULTS which include: berating, belittling, criticizing, name calling, screaming, threatening, excessive blaming, using sarcasm and humiliation. Blowing flaws out of proportion and making fun in front of others. Over time, this type of abuse erodes the victim's sense of self confidence and self worth.
DOMINATION: which can be described as someone wanting to control your every action. They must have their own way and will resort threats to get it. When you allow someone else to dominate you, you can lose respect for yourself.
EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL: the other person plays on your fear, guilt, compassion, values or other "hot buttons" to get what they want. This could include threats to end the relationship, the "cold shoulder," or use of other fear tactics to control you.
UNPREDICTABLE RESPONSES: Drastic mood changes or sudden emotional outbursts. Whenever someone in your life reacts very differently at different times to the same behavior from you, tells you one thing one day and the opposite the next; likes something you do one day and hates it the next, you are being abused with unpredictable responses. This behavior is damaging because it puts you always on edge. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop and you can never know what's expected of you. You must remain hypervigilant, waiting for the other person's next outburst or change of mood. Living with someone like this is tremendously demanding and anxiety provoking, causing the abused person to feel constantly frightened, unsettled and off balance.
GAS LIGHTING: The other person may deny that certain events occurred or that certain things were said. You know differently. The other person may deny your perceptions, memory and very sanity. (If a borderline has been disassociating, they may indeed remember reality differently than you do.)
CONSTANT CHAOS: The other person may deliberately start arguments and be in constant conflict with others. The person may be "addicted to drama" since it creates excitement.
ABUSIVE EXPECTATIONS: The other person places unreasonable demands on you and wants you to put everything else aside to tend to their needs. It could be a demand for constant attention, frequent sex or a requirement that you spend all your free time with the person. But no matter how you give, it's never enough. You are subject to constant criticism and you are constantly berated because you don't fulfill all the needs of this person.
The phrases in the chart are responses from victims of verbal abuse which clearly define their experiences with this type of abuse.
There are many categories of verbal abuse. They encompass a variety of behaviors that will be easily recognizable by those experiencing them. They include:

Blocking and Diverting: This category of verbal abuse specifically controls interpersonal communication. The abuser may refuse to communicate, establishes what can be discussed and determines when the conversation is finished. Examples of blocking are: "You think you know it all;" "That's a lot of bunk;" "Just drop it;" "Who asked you?"; "Where did you get a stupid idea like that?", etc.
Control Complete control of any or all aspects of another's life; including where and when one goes; what one reads, listens to, or views; how one dresses; control of bank accounts and spending; refusal to share money, food, transportation.
Denial The inability to admit and take responsibility for ones actions and words concurrent with accusations and blame directed at the one abused. Examples: "I never said that, you can't get anything straight", "You’re lying, making that all up to make me look bad", "Where did you get that crazy idea?"
Discounting / Dismissiveness/Disregard Dismissal and/or complete disregard of ones feelings, opinions, abilities, and skills. Refusal to socialize and/or spend time with one. Denigration and/or denial of the experience, skills, maturity, and abilities of another; often marked by distortion and/or fabrication. Examples: "You call that art? Even a chimpanzee could do better than that!", "You so dumb you couldn't even add up two and two and get four!"
Harassment/Jealousy Harassment and/or accusations about imagined affairs, spending habits, clothing styles, friends and/or acquaintances, co-workers, and personal activities.
Jokes: This type of abuse is not done in jest. Disparaging comments disguised as jokes often refer to the feminine nature of the partner, to her intellectual abilities, or to her competency. It cuts to the quick, touches the most sensitive areas, and leaves the abuser with a look of triumph.
Judging and criticizing: Usually this type of verbal abuse carries a judgmental tone. Remarks and comments that negate or discount a partner's feelings are: "The trouble with you is...."; "You're never satisfied...."; You're too sensitive.."; "You don't know what you're talking about..."
Manipulation Use of lies contradictions to keep one off-balance and confused; to maneuver and otherwise force or trick one into doing "favors".
Threats Threatened to hurt one, family members, friends, or pets. Threats to destroy personal belongings, or to take control of personal asset's (car, finances, clothing, etc.) Threatening to use a weapon or an object to harm and/or kill.
Trivializing: Trivializing says, in so many words, that what you have done or expressed is insignificant. This type of abuse is often difficult to detect as it can be very subtle. One is left feeling depressed and frustrated but isn't quite sure why. Nothing you say or do is important or meaningful or good enough. Little heed is paid to your comments or suggestions.
Violence Destruction of personal belongings, furniture, appliances. Punching holes in walls. Harming or killing pets. Physically throwing one out of the home and/or preventing entry into the home.
Withholding: If there is a relationship, then there must be an exchange of information. Simply put, withholding is a choice one partner makes to keep virtually all one's thoughts, feelings, opinions, hopes and dreams to oneself and to remain silent and aloof toward the other partner. The verbal abuser may go for months without attempting to engage his partner in meaningful interaction. For the victim this can also be done to keep a certain amount of safety around them.Withholding of approval and/or acknowledgement. There is always trust issues in an abusive relationship.
Other types of verbal abuse include name calling, threatening, denial, undermining and ordering. All of these abusive behaviors prohibit normal, healthy interaction between two adults as well as a lack of respect for individual thoughts, feelings, and opinions. A healthy, mutual interaction and conversation between two persons respects and promotes the right of each partner to their own individual thoughts, perceptions and values. This not only happens with adults but with children also.

SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES

1. Talking at an intimate level of the first meeting.

2. Falling in love with new acquaintance.

3. Falling in love with someone who reaches out.

4. Being overwhelmed by a person -- preoccupied.

5. Acting on first sexual impulse.

6. Being sexual for partner, not self.

7. Going against personal values or rights to please others.

8. Not noticing when someone else displays inappropriate boundaries.

9. Not noticing when someone invades your boundaries.

10. Accepting food, gifts, touch, sex,that you don't want.

11. Touching a person without asking.

12. Taking as much as you can get for the sake of getting.

13. Giving as much as you can give for the sake of giving.

14. Allowing someone to take as much as they can from you.

15. Letting others direct your life.

16. Letting others define you.

17. Believing others can anticipate your needs.

18. Expecting others to fill your need automatically.

19. Falling apart so someone will take care of you.

20. Self abuse.

21. Sexual and physical abuse.

THE CYCLES OF BATTERING.

TENSION BUILDING

1. Women can sense man's edginess.

2. Little issues are smoothed over.

3. Woman feels she can and must control the situation.

4. Woman denies her anger.

5. Woman feels she deserves it.

6. In order to cope, she denies that the second stage will occur and believes she has control.

7. Although she is often unaware of it, after each incident her anger grows.

8. He knows his behavior is wrong and fears she'll leave with him.

9. She reinforces his fear by withdrawing herself in order not to set him off.

10. His jealousy and smothering brutality increases.

11. Tension rises.

12. Sometimes the woman knows that Stage 2 much come and provokes an attack in order to get it over with and to have it on her terms. She can then feel she has had some control.

EXPLOSION

1. In Stage 1 the man accepts that his rage is out of control, but justifies it. In Stage 2 he no longer understand his anger.

2. The man doesn't begin wanting to hurt he woman, but to teach her a lesson.

3. A woman can often retell this stage of detail. He cannot.

4. IN this stage only, woman often feel that it is safe to release their anger and fight back.

5. This is the shortest of stages and generally lasts from a few hours to 24 hours to 45 hours.

6. We do not know why he stops. He seems to know how to prolong the battering without killing her.

7. It is not uncommon for a man to wake the woman up and begin to beat her.

8. A woman will often deny the seriousness of her injuries, sometimes to soothe the batter and to be assured that Stage 2 is over.

LOVE

1. This is the stage welcomed by both.

2. The man is sorry and tries to make up.

3. He fears she'll leave him.

4. He's charming and manipulative.

5. He believes he can control himself and will never again hurt the woman he loves.

6. He convinces everyone.

7. The woman wants to believe him and convinces herself.

8. She has a glimpse of her organal view of how nice love is.

9. This is the very idealized stage -- little girl loved by husband or lover.

10. He plays dependent -- he will fall apart without her.

11. She ends up feeling responsible for him as well as for her own victimization.

12. She is given what she wants with overkill: flowers, candy, ect.

13. This stage is generally longer than Stage 2 but shorter than Stage 1.

ASSERTIVE RIGHTS

1. I have the right to judge and be responsible for my own behaviour,thoughts, and emotions.

2. I don't have to give reason for my behavior

3. I have the right to make mistakes (I will make them) because I am human, and I am responsible for them

4. I am not responsible for other people's problems and solutions.

5. I have the right to say, "I don't know."

6. I have the right to say, "I don't understand".

7. I don't need the good will of others to survive.

8. I have the right to be illogical.

9. I have the right to change my mind.

10. I have the right to say, "I don't care".

Reference Text" When I Say NO I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith, Ph.D.

Many of us do some of these things when we're in a bad mood. When is the behavior classified as abusive? Ask yourself these questions:

1. Do you doubt your judgment or wonder if your are "crazy"?

2. Are you afraid of your partner and do you express opinions less and less freely?

3. Have you developed fears of other people and tend to see others less often?

4. Do you spend a lot of time watching for your partner's bad and not-so-bad moods, before bringing up a subject?

5. Do you ask your partner's permission to spend money, take classes or socialize with friends?

6. Have you lost confidence in your abilities, become increasingly depressed and feel trapped and powerless?

If you answer YES to many of these questions, it is probable you have been abused and have changed as a result of being abused.
If you have friends or relatives who give emotional support and believe you are a good person, you may trust your judgment. But if you feel your batterer is far more important or knows you better than they really do, you will not hear the supportive, positive messages that come your way. If you spend little time with people other than your batterer -- a common situation -- there will not be other messages to hear.
One way to begin to help yourself is to change the messages you give yourself. You DO have a right to a life free of verbal, emotional and physical abuse. It is easy to get into the habit of coaching yourself for failure, but that can be changed. Begin to modify the things you say to yourself about yourself. You may not be able to change the batterer's behavior, but at least you can start giving yourself positive, empowering messages.
This material was adapted by Ginny NiCarthy's book: "Getting Free: A Handbook for Women in Abusive Relationships."

FOCUS ON FEELINGS

Here are some guidelines to help you recognize and share your feelings.

Definition of a feeling

A feeling is and internal sensation or emotion. It is an involuntary response to mental or physical stimulus. Since feelings are involuntary, They are neither right or wrong. They just are. However, what we do about are feelings -- our thoughts and attitudes, do have morality: we may do good deeds or bad ones. Even what we allow ourselves to dwell on in our thoughts may be good or bad for we may think of ways to doing good or of doing bad, but what we feel has no morality. Feelings are simply spontaneous internal responses to some situation either inside or outside ourselves.

Feelings Are Neither Right or Wrong.

Rules for Finding a Feeling

1. If the word "feel" is followed by the word "that", it is not a feeling. It is an opinion or a thought. Example: I feel that you have done a good job.

2. If the word "feel" is followed by the word "like", it maybe be an opinion. Example: I feel like you are wrong. Or it my refer to some unnamed feeling and thus not really identify any feeling. Example: I feel like playing golf. I may feel good and want to play golf or I may feel bored and just want to get away.

3. If I can substitute "I think" of "I feel" in a sentence and if still makes sense, it is a thought and not a feeling. Example: I feel like he is making a mistake. This is a thought" I think he is making a mistake.

4. If I can substitute "am" for "feel" and it still makes sense, It is a feeling.. Example" I feel happy. I am happy. I feel sad. I am sad.

Ways to Describe a Feeling

1. Physical sensations - hot, cold, trembly, sweaty, shakey, flushed.

2. Color - cool blue, serene green, red hot, cheery yellow, drab gray.

3. The five Senses:

• Taste - bitter, sour, sweet, favorite food, disgusting taste, like cold mashed potatoes, etc.

• Smell - pleasant, nauseating, familiar odors, Like new mowed hay, ect.

• Sight - colors, scenic views, calm as a lake on a windless day, ect.

• Touch - rough, smooth, splintery, etc.

4. Music - minor key, polka, waltz, martial, jazz, blues, gospel hymns, classical, etc.

5. Former shared experiences - a vacation trip, shopping spree, holiday celebration.

6. Levels of intensity, light, medium. strong, Happy - how happy?

• Light- I am not crying any more.

• Medium - I'm smiling.

• Strong - I'm ecstatic

People talk about abuse now days. They have found it's not so rare. Everyone probably knows someone that has been though some type of abuse, and at any age. Some people think that this just horrible that it's happening, but do they actively do anything to help stop it?
Will they get involved enough to help people get out or is there life just to busy for that? Ask yourself if you saw a mother or father hitting a child would you step in there and say something? Or would you just stand there or turn your head and walk away?
Do you know in many women's self-defense classes they will teach a woman to scream fire before anything else, why??? most people will react to that out of whatever interest, night or day. But have a woman scream out rape, what would you do? There have been surveys taken. I don't have the statics, but I do remember that most people said they would walk away? Isn't that sad that our world has turned so callous that they would not take the time to help another individual?
People are so worried about being sued. The county services are over worked because they have to check out reports, and so many times they don't have enough time to really do a good accurate investigation and the child or situation slips though again.
These is not a shelter in every city of the finincal resources to help the people out there that need it. I know people complain about how "lazy" people just live off or your taxes. Have you ever thought about what has been stated here. That they are so mentally torn down that they are incaple of doing anything, and more than likley possible the abuser will not let them get out and be productive.
We are losing out most valuable thing we have out there, that's our children, your's mine, the neighbor and the one down the street. Do you even know your neighbors. What they do, if they have any kids, or are we so wrapped up in our own lives that we ignore everything else?
I feel bad for the other children all over the world that are starving becasue lack of food or ignorance to supply their own. But we are out there teaching and showing them how. What about our children here in the United States what funds are there like the ones for other contries? Would you give to a universal fund to help childern here in the United States. To help them with food, shelter, education, and most of all protection.

WHAT CAN WE DO AS INDIVIDUALS:

• Call the police if you see or hear evidence of domestic violence.

• Speak out publicly against domestic violence.

• Take action personally against domestic violence when a neighbor, co-worker, a friend, or a family member is involved or being abused.

• Encourage your neighborhood watch or block association to become as concerned with watching out for domestic violence as with burglaries and other crimes.

• Reach out to support someone whom you believe is a victim of domestic violence and/or talk with a person you believe is being abusive.

• Help others become informed, by inviting speakers to your church, professional organization, civic group, or workplace.

• Support domestic violence counseling programs and shelters.

"What Can Each of Us Do?" is taken from DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS, Stop the Cycle of Violence, What Can You Do; U.S. Department of Justice Washington D.C. 20530 and from "Preventing Domestic Violence" by Laura Crirites in Prevention Communiqué, March 1992, Crime Prevention Division, Department of the Attorney General, Hawaii

Disclaimer: All thoughts and comments here are souly by the author unless other wise noted. They are from personal experience and knowledge and interpretations of things read and seen.

Verbal Abuse - Patricia Evans

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